Tuesday, January 24, 2006

A Modest Proposal

(I come in contact with high school and college students often in my jobs. I've learned that I could never make it as a teacher, as can be seen in this rant that rattled in my head while at a high school basketball game tonight. Note: This is not directed at any person that I have a personal relationship with.)

To all young men who think they're cool because they wear pink: Wearing pink won't make you sexy. The male that wears pink is sending one message: "I'm not comfortable with my masculinity, so I need to do something desperate that will prove I am the ultimate man. I'll wear pink, because most men are afraid to wear that color! By clothing myself in it, I will prove to be more of a man than the rest, separating myself from the pack and giving myself a better chance of getting a woman."

The truth: Pink won't make you a man any more than wearing a cape makes you a superhero or using the word "barium" makes you a chemist. Men that wear pink, and by "pink" I mean blatant pink attire, are like listening to Paris Hilton talk about "socioeconomic conundrums" or hearing Saddam Hussein claim to be a nice guy that's just been misunderstood. It's entertaining, but that's about it.

Wear butter yellow. Attempt fuschia. Heck, give aqua or teal a try, but let's cut the crap and trash the pink. You look lame and the women that you attract are probably looking for someone to dominate.

Grow some facial hair...that look is natural to males. Drink a bottle of tabasco sauce...dumb actions are natural to males. Grunt, burp, scratch. Watch Tombstone or Saving Private Ryan. Buy a big truck or go kill something. But don't wear pink.

I feel better now.