Thursday, September 23, 2004

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Today was the day of bad conversations. And it all started after I told someone that I thought things had gone fairly well recently. Isn't that always the way it works? So, instead of recounting the negative I'll recount the odd. Veronica said that other day that weird people flock to me or something like that. I've come to agree with her assessment, though why would be another study. Here's the latest moment.

I'm driving back from Covenant College last Wednesday night with Benjamin Johnson (my pastor's son) after watching Bryan get spanked by the Scots. If you're interested here's the link to my story. http://www.rhea.xtn.net/index.php?template=news.view.subscriber&table=news&newsid=114907 I'll warn you though, the picture is far better than the story.

Anyway, we stop off at a gas station in Hixson, and after filling up for a whopping $30+ we go in to the convenience store to grab some drinks. I head to the counter to face a 20something overweight woman with tired eyes, cigarette breath and that oh-so-familiar Southern drawl ( I didn't try to fit in this time with an accent, though you'd think after six years I could at least either do a decent imitation or get used to hearing the Southern accent every day). Her demeanor is pleasant in spite of her appearance. I'll call her Susy. I hand her my debit card to pay for our drinks.

"Cain uh seeyur hidee, sir?," Susy asks.

"Oh yeah, I guess I forgot to sign the back, huh?"

I hand Susy my driver's license. Her face changes dramatically in a moment, like a sudden storm on the horizon. With the boxes of smokes serving as a back drop, Susy's eyes begin to glow like cigarettes.

"Uh hayate yur nem," she says in a way that suggests she's looking for a fight. (I'm a little distracted and not sure if I heard her right.)

"Hmmm...I'm sorry. What?"

"Uh hayate yur nem," she repeats in the same tone. (A stupid grin cracks my face as I become painfully aware that another wacko scenario is beginning to unfold. I try not to laugh and put on my best offended look. The woman just stares back at me with a look begging for me to retaliate. I clear my throat.)

"Why do you hate my name?"

"Ya eany kin ta Wesley Williams (I'll spare you from the original translation of the name)?" (Susy crosses her arms and looks ready to pounce on me if I say the wrong thing. I decide to mess with her a little.)

"Well, we do have the same last name, so I guess in genealogically terms that could technically mean..."

"Uh hayate Wesley Williams.........................an is kin," she interrupts.

"Okay, well. I don't think I even know a Wesley Williams, that not to say that we couldn't be related, but I doubt it."

"At nem jes maykes me seeck. Williams." (I kind of look around for second, not sure what to do or say next. Benjamin, ever the student, is attentively listening while chugging his 32 ounces of Mountain Dew. Susy continues to grip my debit card tighter.)

"Goooood fer nutin Wesley Williams s'my lil gal's diddy. Loooser diddy." (I realize at this point that it's time for me to be definitive.)

"I don't know any Wesley Williams. I'm not related to him." (Susy noticeably eases, smiles and swipes my card through the reader.)

"Uh din't thank so. Glad ye ain't no kin ta Wesley Williams. Uh hayate at nem." (I smile and agree with her comment, trying not to crack any jokes.)

Benjamin, losing attention with the now not-so-odd situation decides to go back and get a day-old donut. Susy waves me off when I try to pay for it, adding "jes don teallll nuhbody." We agree and leave.

As we're walking back to the car Benjamin, the ever packrat looking for someone else's junk to become his treasure, marvels that the woman gave him the donut free of cost.

"Do you know why she gave you the donut for free, Ben," I ask.

"Because she insulted you?"

"Yes, Ben. That's exactly why she gave you the donut."

Inside, I was only too glad that I wasn't the only one who realized what had happened, though I was a little disturbed that a donut equalled an apology in Susy's mind.

Currently Playing Payable on Death (with Bonus DVD) By P.O.D.