Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Musings on Moo

I really like Moo.

He's a little different...travels at a slightly slower pace than most if you know what I mean, even in this sleepy town. Somewhere around 42 or 43, slight and nearly bald, a fixture among county sporting events, usually as a manager for one of the teams but always as a fan.

I met Moo some time soon after I started working for the paper. Originally, I thought him to be a bit of a jerk, but that was when I felt everyone in this good-ole-boy county hated me because I "di'nt growed up roun ear, did ya?" I was right about that for the most part, but that's beside the point. Moo never looked at me when I came near him and rarely said anything without some interaction on my part coming first. Somewhere along the way I earned his trust, though I'm not sure how, and now occasionally we enjoy each other's company along the way to road games, as was the case tonight. So, before I head to bed at this late hour, here are my top 10 things I like about Moo:

10. Moo drives a fast Camaro with tinted windows and T-tops but wants to get a pick-up truck like mine.

9. You never have to guess what Moo is thinking or fear him being wordy. He'll just come out and tell you what he thinks if you ask him, and most times in fewer words than a Nike or McDonalds slogan. Once I asked him about the crazy lady, and after a few moments he just shook his head and said "she's a nut."

8. Moo doesn't require incredibly indepth, uncomfortable, intense conversation topics. I know that whenever Moo and I ride somewhere there will be no talk of Bush vs. Kerry, the war in Iraq, infant baptism vs. emersion, TULIP, gun control, male/female relationships, O.J. Simpson's guilt or innocence, etc. But we will more than likely banter about what pizza chains we like and why, the craziness of East Tennessee weather, the difference between a Dairy Queen Blizzard and a Sonic Blast and which one is better, what kind of trucks we like, and following the games we attend, what could have happened to alter the outcome for the losing team (which oddly, now that I think about it, seems to be our team on most occasions).

7. Moo says the same things over and over again, but somehow avoids becoming trite or annoying. Example: whenever I offer an opinion about something he always responds with either a "yeah" or an "I reckon." Seriously, this is a large percentage of our conversations. On a side note, Moo doesn't feel it necessary to express his opinions about everything. If I never asked him anything about himself, he probably wouldn't tell me anything.

6. Moo can be extremely obsessive. On our way back from the game tonight, I called in a pizza, and every two minutes he felt it necessary to tell the car in front of us "Hey! We got a pizza waiting on us...well, I mean, (turns to me with a sheepish, toothy grin) you got a pizza waiting on you."

5. Moo tries to get me to shadow box with him sometimes upon meeting instead of shaking hands, and if I don't engage in the ritual, he's likely to start poking me.

4. Moo doesn't have a short memory when it comes to bad calls by referees. Refs better be prepared to pay for a crappy call if it goes against Moo's team. The man gets seriously enraged, screams things I don't begin to understand and turns really bright red for brief instances. I don't come close to his 140-lbs. frame in these moments. By the way, the referees are usually always against Moo's team.

3. When Moo calls me at work he assumes I know who he is without him telling me. Our first real conversation went something like this and most since have occured in the same manner.

"Hay Bud!"
"Hi, um who's this?"
"It's Moo! (incredulous) Whuterya doin?!"
"Oh, hi Moo. I'm working...you just called my office phone where I work. You know?"
"Oh yeah? Can I ride with ya to the game tonight?"

2. Moo sometimes doesn't get my humor, but almost always turns it into something funnier. Case in point, I'm trying to get out of a crowded parking lot tonight. A slow-walking couple takes their time crossing in front of us, forcing me to wait a few moments longer to pull out. Meanwhile a steady stream of cars passes by, causing me to sit on the brake for a few more moments. Moo says, "If it weren't for that dadgum slow man and lady you could have got to your pizza by now." I respond, "Yeah, but I was afraid that if I ran over them I'd mess up my truck." Moo answers back matter of factly, "Yeah. Then you wouldn't be able to get to work."

And number one...

1. Come on. He answers to the name "Moo."

Currently Playing Hopes & Fears By Keane